Confession: I have cried nearly every day since the presidential debate last week. Why? Because I feel so overcome with frustration and powerlessness when it comes to reproductive rights and procreative liberties. Politics is never a good choice for my mental health. Perhaps I should choose not to read the news stories. Perhaps I should silent certain accounts on social media. Perhaps I should; but I don’t. I don’t because I don’t want to be […]
My daughter turns three this month. I can hardly believe it – three years since I was in a delivery room watching a woman labor for the first time in my life and truly marveling at the miracle of childbirth. I haven’t written much about my surrogacy experience yet, so I am taking this as an opportunity. There are so many aspects of the process that I can and will expound upon but let me […]
“Right now I am day 6 post loss 5. I am drinking prosecco and eating popcorn and writing a blog that I will probably never post.I knew I lost it as soon as I looked in the toilet. I had bled the night before and it was bright red. Not the transparent bloody discharge and spotting that’s normal in early pregnancy, but red like a rose and the color of hell. I told myself it […]
I am a serial re-watcher and re-reader. When I find a story that moves me, I enjoy revisiting it. I like knowing what will happen to the characters and I like being able to anticipate my emotional response. Like choosing music that enhances a mood, or selecting familiar scents, narratives often help me access my inner emotions. Last night I watched the movie Boys on the Side. I don’t think I’ve seen it since high […]
I have a handful of news podcasts that I listen to on a regular basis and several of them have talked about the Kate Cox case in Texas regarding abortions for lethal fetal anomalies. I’m glad that case got national news coverage. It should. The debate surrounding “late term abortions” is not about people who carry a pregnancy for two terms and then all the sudden decide they don’t want the baby, it’s about couples […]
I recently listened to “The Retrievals,” a Serial podcast that tells the story of a situation at Yale’s fertility clinic where hundreds of women underwent egg retrievals with limited to no pain medication because a nurse was diverting fentanyl. I have quite a bit to say in response to the podcast, but thought I’d better start by picking up the thread of my own story and talking about our egg retrieval. Our doctor in Seattle […]
I had considered writing about abortion laws and their potential impact on infertility and miscarriage management long before last night’s news about the draft Supreme Court opinion overturning Roe v. Wade, but I’ve been afraid to open myself up to potential anger and criticisms. I don’t want to debate when life begins or the merits of pro-life vs. pro-choice, that’s not what this blog is about. However, those debates and resultant legislation have real and […]
I’m sorry I haven’t posted for a while. I’m sorry because I have so much I still want to say (so much I still need to work through), but I haven’t made the time to write. Or maybe I’ve avoided it. As many of you were aware, my husband and I had been going through the gestational surrogacy process. I am now pleased to report that we are the proud parents of an 8-month-old baby […]
My maternal grandfather, my Papa, died yesterday. He was 100 years old, so it was not entirely surprising, but it is still a loss. The loss of our family patriarch, the loss of one of my life-long role models, the end of an era for me and my cousins. I find myself in a very philosophical place today, pondering life’s big questions and the very nature of grief. But let me start with him. […]
There is a movement in pregnancy loss community about “redefining motherhood” and challenging the standard ideas about when someone becomes a mother. Does motherhood start at birth? What if your child is stillborn or passes shortly after birth? Are those women still mothers? Is motherhood defined by the act of raising your child, or birthing them, or conceiving them? If it’s the later, how long does someone need to be pregnant before they are considered […]
Adventures of a Misbehaving Uterus 