I feel the need to start this post by sharing my recent learning that “jealousy” and “envy” are not actually synonyms – they mean different things – and apparently, I’ve been misusing them for years!! Envy is wanting something someone else has. It involves only two people. Jealousy is worry that someone is going to take something you have. It involves three people. This post is about envy. Regardless of my vocabulary ignorance, I was […]
When my husband and I moved to Seattle we needed to establish care with a new fertility clinic. We selected our doctor because she is an expert in treating recurrent miscarriage. I was stunned when I entered the lobby of the our new clinic. It’s located on the 10th floor of a medical tower which faces south east, so I walked into a perfect view of Mount Rainier in all her glory. I have found […]
When my mind is feeling busy or overwhelmed, I sometimes pull angel cards for guidance and meditation. Angel cards are about the size of a quarter Post-It and each has a single word on it, like “gratitude,” or “openness,” or “abundance.” Before selecting one, I mix all the cards up in a jar, sit quietly, and ask the universe for guidance. Regardless of whether my selection is a result of divine intervention or utter randomness, […]
My husband works at Amazon and one of the things they talk about when making decisions is a concept of one-way versus two-way doors. The metaphor being that you can’t walk back through a one-way door, so you need to be more certain about those types of decisions. To me, becoming a parent feels like a one-way door. I want kids. I want the experience of being a mother. I want to build family traditions. […]
In high school I took a creative writing class and my teacher had us practice writing all different types of poems. One type was a “name poem” where we had to describe a person poetically by saying what their name reminded us of. I wrote about the women in my family. Here is the stanza I wrote about my sister: I will say Kristen because she reminds me of flapping butterfly wings, and snowmelt streaming […]
I found a beautiful but short-lived quiet in the week between Christmas and New Year’s. I had given myself permission to take the week “off,” so I felt absolutely no pressure or compulsion to make phone calls, check email, post on social media, or be “productive” in any way. My mornings involved sitting in front of my happy light while drinking coffee and working on the crossword, followed by yoga and then whatever I fancied. […]
This is actually one of the first ‘comics’ I drew when I decided to start blogging, but up until now, I haven’t been able to find the right words for it. Or maybe I always had the right words. They are just angry words, so I didn’t want to share them. But after reading my recent newsletter from Andrea Syrtash, Founder of Pregnantish, I decided it was time. In her letter, Andrea mentions an […]
Lena Dunham recently came out publicly with her personal story of endometriosis and resulting inability to bear children. Her memoir “False Labor” is the cover story for the December issue of Harper’s Magazine. A friend of mine shared a link to the article, but I admit I didn’t read it until I began to see the slews of critical, sometimes compassionate, and often angry reactions from the online infertility community. This post is an effort […]
The Indian spiritual leader Sri Chinmoy said that “surrender is a journey from outer turmoil to inner peace.” Lately, I’ve been in a bit of turmoil. Over the summer I had another surgery to deal with my misbehaving uterus. After my sixth miscarriage, my period never returned, which is not normal. I knew it was not normal, but I still I waited 6 months before telling my doctor, because I was exhausted from being a […]
Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. A day to remember all the children who ‘might have been’ and honor the pain of the mothers and fathers who lost dreams. I had the honor and opportunity to share my story with Fruitful Fertility in order to help raise awareness about recurrent pregnancy loss. Fruitful Fertility is a 1:1 mentoring service for women dealing with infertility. They match women with mentors who’ve had similar experiences. […]
