I found a beautiful but short-lived quiet in the week between Christmas and New Year’s. I had given myself permission to take the week “off,” so I felt absolutely no pressure or compulsion to make phone calls, check email, post on social media, or be “productive” in any way. My mornings involved sitting in front of my happy light while drinking coffee and working on the crossword, followed by yoga and then whatever I fancied. […]
I’m determined to put our entire journey down on paper. So, I am forcing myself – mentally kicking and screaming – to tell the story of our fourth miscarriage. But if the theme of our third loss was compounded grief, due to the concurrent loss of our cat, the theme of our fourth loss would have to be ignored grief. So ignored, in fact, that my husband barely remembers the pregnancy at all. Our fourth […]
This is actually one of the first ‘comics’ I drew when I decided to start blogging, but up until now, I haven’t been able to find the right words for it. Or maybe I always had the right words. They are just angry words, so I didn’t want to share them. But after reading my recent newsletter from Andrea Syrtash, Founder of Pregnantish, I decided it was time. In her letter, Andrea mentions an […]
Lena Dunham recently came out publicly with her personal story of endometriosis and resulting inability to bear children. Her memoir “False Labor” is the cover story for the December issue of Harper’s Magazine. A friend of mine shared a link to the article, but I admit I didn’t read it until I began to see the slews of critical, sometimes compassionate, and often angry reactions from the online infertility community. This post is an effort […]
The Indian spiritual leader Sri Chinmoy said that “surrender is a journey from outer turmoil to inner peace.” Lately, I’ve been in a bit of turmoil. Over the summer I had another surgery to deal with my misbehaving uterus. After my sixth miscarriage, my period never returned, which is not normal. I knew it was not normal, but I still I waited 6 months before telling my doctor, because I was exhausted from being a […]
Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. A day to remember all the children who ‘might have been’ and honor the pain of the mothers and fathers who lost dreams. I had the honor and opportunity to share my story with Fruitful Fertility in order to help raise awareness about recurrent pregnancy loss. Fruitful Fertility is a 1:1 mentoring service for women dealing with infertility. They match women with mentors who’ve had similar experiences. […]
October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. This means there are a lot of pregnancy loss facts circling the internet and a lot of women sharing personal stories of miscarriage and stillbirth on social media. The stories are often heartbreaking. But the sharing of them is wonderful. As more women talk about their experience, the stigma around miscarriage lessens. As the general public becomes more aware of the burden of pregnancy loss, better support […]
September is PCOS Awareness Month, so I want to take the opportunity to do a little PCOS PSA. (Although, I’ve never approached a post in this way before, so feel free to let me know if it’s useful.) PCOS stands for “polycystic ovary syndrome” or “polycystic ovarian syndrome.” It is: a common health problem caused by an imbalance of reproductive hormones. The hormonal imbalance creates problems in the ovaries. With PCOS, the egg may not develop as […]
It is impossible to fully address the topic of infertility without talking about sex. But if I have sometimes been ashamed to discuss my fertility challenges, I have been absolutely loath to bring up its impact on my sex life. Sharing this aspect of myself feels like inviting spectators into my bedroom to examine the sheets. Yet it cannot be ignored. Miscarriage and infertility had a material impact on my sex life. I don’t believe […]
When I’m being melodramatic, I like to say that my sister saved my life. In actuality, I think she saved my sanity. I’m quite certain I would have gone into a deep depression after my second miscarriage had it not been for my sister. My second loss was a psychological turning point for me. My first loss, while devastating, was possible to rationalize. It was common, a likely genetic aberration, no cause for concern. The […]
