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Men Are From Mars

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With Father’s Day this weekend, I wanted to take the opportunity to talk about my other half.  The partner to my Misbehaving Uterus: the Sad Sack, the Bad Balls, the Naughty Nuts (thanks, KK for your clever naming, I wouldn’t have gotten here on my own!) The male experience of miscarriage is so often overlooked.  It’s always the woman’s account that’s reported on in the news.  It’s the woman who receives the majority of our […]

Striving for Empathy

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It’s hard not to be overwhelmed by the current state of our nation.  I’ve been trying to process my own feelings all week. I do not consider myself an appropriate authority to discuss race relations, and I didn’t start this blog to discuss current events.  But I can talk about grief.  I understand grief.  And I think that George Floyd’s death and the resulting protests are emblematic of the profound grief being experienced by many […]

This Little Light of Mine

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Several years ago, in the lobby of my therapist’s office, I saw a magazine with a cover story talking about women “having it all” (or something similar).  This may have been in the wake of Sheryl Sandberg’s “Lean In,” or it may have been after Hillary Clinton won the democratic nomination for president, but whichever incredibly successful woman inspired the magazine article, it seriously pissed me off.  I remember taking a picture of the cover […]

Always the Bridesmaid

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My sister has three young children who are learning to cohabitate, so our phone conversations are frequently interrupted by upset toddlers with sibling disputes.  She usually starts by responding, “I can hear that you’re experiencing some big emotions.”  I just love this phrasing; it’s so validating.  Don’t we all wish we could still run to mom when we’re overcome with feelings?    With Mother’s Day this weekend, I’ve been experiencing a lot of “big emotions” and […]

Future Misgivings

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The moment my eyes zeroed in on “This Is Not the Life I Ordered” during a rummage sale at Third Place Books, I knew I would buy it.  My heart responded with an immediate and emphatic damn straight!  I know you’re not supposed to judge a book by it’s cover (or title), but in this case, I needn’t have worried.  “This Is Not the Life I Ordered” is written by four middle-aged women who, over […]

National Infertility Awareness Week 2020

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This week is National Infertility Awareness Week 2020 and as part of it, RESOLVE, the National Infertility Association started a five day photo challenge. I’ve posted the photos on Instgram and Facebook, but also wanted to share them here. We all have our own fertility journey. You’ll notice that I always refer to mine as a fertility journey rather than an infertility journey, because I prefer the concept of moving towards something positive rather than […]

My Second Miscarriage

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I have found it surprisingly easy to both talk about and write about my first miscarriage.  Maybe because it was the beginning of everything.  It’s easy for me to start things, to set the scene, to introduce the characters, to begin.  When I was in school, I always wrote great introductions for my papers.  Finishing things was harder.  I have a lot of half-finished projects, a lot of unrealized aspirations.  Finding a clear path through […]

What it means to be a woman

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I discovered RuPaul’s Drag Race in 2017.  I realize I was late to the party, but I have since made up for my delinquency by watching every season… multiple times. This was in the immediate aftermath of my fourth miscarriage, so I felt utterly broken and was not sure I wanted to go on trying to have a baby (or doing much else).  Remarkably, RuPaul helped curb my depression.  Apart from realizing that Drag Race […]

My First Miscarriage

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My husband and I arrived at our first 8-week appointment a little frazzled, a lot anxious, and very late; but our doctor was lovely about it.  We gave him our history and talked to him about my symptoms (they were few, thankfully).  And after a bit of small talk, he said “alright, let’s see how things look.”  He didn’t say anything for a long time after starting the ultrasound, then he asked if we were […]